What I wish I knew when I was first diagnosed with herpes

Guest author from our community: WhoopsiDaysi

I can remember when I was first diagnosed with herpes. It was around December 3, 2011. I had a few things come at me – I became an empty nester and about six weeks later my husband left. My life was turned upside down, to say the least, and then I got herpes symptoms that would suggest my worst nightmare (probably as a result of all the stress I was feeling). I tried to ignore the symptoms for a few days, tried my own remedies, tried to rationalize that it was nothing, but eventually I gave in and went for testing because it wasn’t going away. I wish I would have known then what I know now …

I wish I had known all the personal growth that would come as a result of having herpes.

I had a partner about 9 years previous who had herpes but, to that point, I hadn’t had any real symptoms or “The Herpes Outbreak.” It was always in the back of my mind, though, and the one thing I always dreaded. So off I went to see the doctor. Now just making the appointment was hard enough. “Why do you want to see the doctor?” the receptionist asks. Hmmm … how to phrase this delicately to a complete stranger while standing in their waiting room? I may as well have had a blow horn to announce to the world “I need to check to see if I have herpes.” Death by herpes number 1.

I got in to see the nurse. She did the exam and as soon as she looked, yep, it looks like herpes, or it could be syphilis. Now, I admit, this is the first time in my life I was rooting for syphilis. The tests were done and the waiting began. A few days later I went in and got the diagnosis – “I have herpes, type 2.” My doctor was sympathetic but wasn’t exactly a fountain of herpes statistics. She said that I had to use protection when I had sex with a partner and that I would pass it along to anyone I had sex with. When I asked about herpes medication, she said I could go on drug therapy if I chose but that it wouldn’t stop the transmission of herpes, just the outbreaks and the amount of herpes viral shedding. She then sent me on my merry way, without so much as a pamphlet or a single word of encouragement. I left with a lump in my throat and feeling like the bottom of my world had just finally fallen out. That was the last straw for me.

I was devastated. I came home and processed the news. I remember feeling like my life was pretty much over – I will never, ever, ever, ever have sex again, never have another relationship and that my life was pretty much over as far as love goes. Who would accept someone like me? Herpes! Wow, you may as well have said I had The Plague or leprosy. It would have hit me just as hard. I took a bit of time to process and then I decided to reach out to see what resources were out there. I needed more information, I needed to understand this and I needed to know if I was the only one on the planet with this “sentence.”

I found some support sites for people who had herpes and I started reaching out and talking to people. I joined a local herpes support group and then other herpes social sites and through all these sites I started to develop friendships and to see from the experience of others that maybe my life was not, in fact, over. I went on outings with my local group and developed some really nice friendships and started to see that herpes does not need to define us or degrade us. I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the most interesting, intelligent, caring people through this experience with herpes. I could see from these outings that we are just people and that herpes doesn’t make us any less of a person. In fact, it made us more understanding and accepting of ourselves and others. On our outings, herpes was definitely not the focus of our conversation. Being with them made me feel normal and accepted and human again and it really helped me to start to heal and get my perspective on what this really all meant.

What I wish I would have known

Now that it has been almost a year since my first diagnosis, there are things that I wished I had known on December 3, 2011. I wished I had known how many amazing people I would meet along the way and how many great friendships I would form as a result. I have met people from all over the United States, Canada and locally and have formed some really great friendships with people who have made my life so much richer for having met them. I have a much broader view of life and have learned so much about myself and what my priorities really are.

I wish I had known all the personal growth that would come as a result of having herpes. For the first time in my life, because of herpes, I took the time after my divorce to really examine what happened, to do the work required to heal and to take the time for me that I had never done in my life before. Before herpes, I just went from one bad relationship to another looking for the approval that I really needed to give to myself. Now, with herpes, I have taken time to really focus on me and what I want and need and where I want my life to go and what I really want it to look like. I have had time to examine my past, explore my dreams and create an amazing new life. I have taken courses to help me grow and to examine what I really believe and become much happier, mature and peaceful.

I wish I had known that love was still available to me and that not everyone is going to reject me because of herpes. There are people in the community of herpes to date and there are also people who don’t have herpes who will see that I am a great person who happens to have herpes. I have a lot more to offer than herpes can take away.

I wished I had known that one day herpes wouldn’t be on my mind night and day and that it is more of an inconvenience than anything else and that the first herpes outbreak is the worst. I had gotten through the worst of it already and I wouldn’t really need to think about it much. It’s been almost a year and I haven’t had another outbreak and most likely won’t again for a long time. Herpes is there but it doesn’t determine what kind of life I am going to have; I do.

I wished I had known that I can still do the things I want to do. A friend of mine told her story of how she was worried after her herpes diagnosis that she wouldn’t be able to give blood, which was something she wanted to do in honor of her Dad. After being told by one nurse that no she couldn’t donate because she had herpes, she was relieved to find out when she decided to go through the screening process anyway that she could absolutely still give blood.

I wished I had known that the good that would come out of having herpes would far outweigh the negatives and that, at the end of the day, it is just a skin condition – a cold sore in a tender location, nothing more.

Finally, I wished I had known that I would actually be happier as a result of moving through it and it would all be okay. All I needed to do was reach out and to accept myself. And for the first time, I have really done that and that is the gift I received from having herpes – it is all going to be okay and I am amazing just the way I am.

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Diagnosed With Genital Herpes, You Are Now Wondering If You Can Ever Lead a Normal Life

Having been diagnosed with Genital Herpes you are now wondering if you can ever lead a normal life that includes dating again. The answer to that is yes you can have a normal life no matter which type of STD you are suffering whether it is herpes or some other form of STD. Obviously there are precautions that need to be taken in order for you to continue dating but with some knowledge this is really easy to do.

Life is certainly going to be different, but you will be able to reach a normal level again, it will take time and effort but it is achievable. A lot of couples find that going to a support group is a great help and even joining some of the online websites specifically aimed at genital herpes sufferers can prove to be an enormous help.

Right now you are possibly feeling ashamed of having contracted herpes and your only wish is to just continue with a normal life. One way to achieve this is to visit the dating websites that are on the internet. You will be provided with many resources and places that you can easily start dating again.

Life is worth living and if you have a partner that truly cares and loves you, they will understand and work through this with you. Life can be pretty normal and no matter what, you deserve to be happy and that includes dating or even visiting an online website as a start to getting your life back in some kind of normal fashion.

Providing that you are both open with each other, there is no need to have to go around telling people what STD disease you have, it is a private affair with your doctor really being the only non family member required to know.

As with the many types of STD's there is always the risk of possibly contracting HIV, but again, using proper protection can help reduce this possibility. Becoming informed about STD's including herpes will educate both you and your partner.

Even if you are currently single, developing herpes is no reason to give up on the dating scene. You will be able to find many sites that cater to those who have herpes and can easily continue meeting people and maintain a normal lifestyle.

A normal life that includes dating with someone that has genital herpes is possible and very attainable. Keep an open mind and seek the help and support that you need and deserve. Dating will very soon become a normal life occurrence again.

I have genital herpes and know what you are going through. Herpes Dating Sites have helped me find quality dates with women who share my medical condition. http://herpesandyoudating.com is the largest genital herpes dating site online. Many, many singles from the United States, United Kingdom, New Zealand and Australia are members

Recently Diagnosed With Herpes? This Advice is Just For You!

So you went to your doctor for a routine exam, he or she noticed a small bump on your private areas - and suggested a blood test to rule out the herpes simplex virus. You may have noticed the bump but thought nothing of it. Perhaps it looked like a shaving bump, or a bug bite - whatever the case is...genital herpes was the very last thing on your mind. You leave the doctors office, nervous - but sure that you couldn't possibly have that disease. A few days later you receive a call from your doctor who nonchalantly tells you that your test results were positive for the herpes virus. She offers to give you a prescription for suppressive treatments and reminds you to come back in one year.

 

Just like that your entire life is turned upside down. What should you do? How will people react? Should you tell your best friend? How is this going to impact my dating life? You will have an endless amount of questions running through your mind. The very first thing you will need to do is just take a step back - and relax. As difficult as that may seem - it is very important to remain calm. Stressing out will only make your outbreaks worse.

 

1. How did this happen to me?: You have to stop blaming yourself. Even using condoms 100% of the time won't protect a person from contracting genital herpes. This is a virus that can go years upon years without detection and often shows no outward signs of infection. Having herpes doesn't make you dirty or promiscuous.

 

2. I can't believe he or she did this to me!: The next stage in dealing with a herpes diagnosis is to blame your most recent sexual partner, but the truth is - herpes can't always be traced back to your last partner. Once again, it can literally remain dormant in a persons system for a long time - without them even knowing it. Unless you've been tested in the past for HSV 1 and 2, it's very difficult to pin point when and where you contracted it.

 

3. No one will want to date or marry me: This is totally false! There are millions of happily married couples where one person has herpes and the other person does not. Dating and relationships are difficult enough, dating with herpes does complicate things - but it won't make it impossible. You will need to be responsible in dating, but that's the case even without herpes.

 

4. I won't be able to have children: This is another totally inaccurate myth! Herpes simplex virus has absolutely no effect on your ability to have children. If you are a woman, your doctor will likely suggest that you deliver through a Cesarean section (also known as a c-section) to avoid the risk of passing on to your child, but herpes has no effect on conception.

Herpes is not a death sentence, it is manageable as long as you have the right attitude, a healthy diet, and effective treatment options. For more information on new herpes diagnosis visit us at: Herpes Dating Advice