Everyone on Twitter considers themselves an expert of one type or another. We figured a woman who grew up with the nickname @BoobsRadley must have plenty of experience discussing issues of love and sex. (Plus, the Huffington Post called her one of the funniest women on Twitter.) Read on to find out how to send your questions to her.
Q: I casually lied about having herpes to get revenge on a girl who dumped me really cruelly. It worked--she freaked out and immediately went to her doctor and got a battery of STD tests. But I've since realized that she doesn't have health insurance, and now I feel like a heel. Should I send her an anonymous check?
I don't know. Are monsters allowed to have checking accounts? Let me just call up the restless demon spirit of Ted Bundy and ask him where he banks. First of all: I understand wanting to get revenge on somebody, because I have gypsy blood and I'm a genius. I get the IMPULSE. I would never act on it in such a weird and horrible way. I don't know if you know this but "a battery of STD" tests probably involves a lot of discomfort and a very long Q-tip. I think the thinking-person's penance for you here is probably to apologize in person and pay for her medical bills, but the viking justice part of me really wants you to shove something up your pee hole. But maybe also for you to go to jail? I don't know, I feel like lying about the herp should be some kind of crime. Anyhow, you're an awful person, thank you for writing in.
Q: I lie about my height on dating sites. I know this seems dishonest, but a lot of girls would't look at me twice if they knew my real measurements (5 feet 4 inches). I've never had anybody openly complain about this, but after the inevitable, initial look of disappointment, I've had some pretty good dates. My lady coworker says this is wrong. Is this wrong?
Everybody lies a LITTLE bit on dating sites. Like, for instance, "The lower half of my body is as thin as the upper, photographed part" or "I'm not going to murder you" or "Love exists." But I'm a firm believer that people should be allowed to have their physical preferences. Which is why I never advocate for anybody dating a chunky gal or nearsighted Asian dudes out of some kind of guilt, because there are plenty of us out there who are into those people, organically, and please leave them for us to have sex with. Likewise, there are women who like short guys. Wouldn't you rather be with somebody who is attracted to you than with somebody who just kind of gave in to your mini-ness? I don't think "Aw, f*** it" is anything you want to think of somebody saying before sexing you. So yes. Stop lying.
Q: My girlfriend is going to study in England next semester. We've tentatively discussed "taking a break" for that time, but I do love her and want to get back together with her eventually. Do "breaks" really work?
England is full of men with accents. Are you aware of this? That accent can take a dude from a 6 to a 10 in seconds flat. I don't know if it's the same way with women--I've tried to do my Eliza Doolittle on strange men in bars and it just makes them back into things while trying to get away from me. But yeah--college semesters abroad are rough on a relationship. But I know plenty of people who have taken breaks and gotten back together. I think it's about whether or not your relationship is sustainable in the first place. It doesn't matter if a girl lives in your dorm or in her charming flat in Notting Hill (I assume all people in England do this).... If you guys are meant to get back together, you will. Also, maybe learn to fake an accent.
Q: I am kind of in love with the new girl I just started seeing. She likes comic books and has a motorcycle and is basically perfect in every way. Except for the fact that she's bulimic. I mean, she hasn't told me that she's bulimic but it's not an easy thing to hide. Should I get out now or is this the kind of thing you run from?
A bulimic motorcycle-loving comic book girl??? I don't know. I think you have to worry about her other boyfriend, Zach Braff. Dude, I can't tell you not to date somebody you're falling for because she's got Mental Problems. I mean, maybe rent "Crazy/Beautiful" and "Mad Love" and that one where Tracey Gold is anorexic to see if you can hang with it. Also, you probably shouldn't be with anybody who is sick. I'd say maybe talk to her about getting some help, because people who are recovering from eating disorders probably need to focus on their wellness and not about the adorable new guy who is on to their barf game. But if you decide to go for it, bring your balls. And probably some Binaca.
Tags Advice Column, Ask Boobs Radley, Boobs Radley, dating advice, Lies, STDs
