Herpes cure: Shame as breadcrumbs to more wholeness

DISCLAIMER: There is no cure for herpes in the physical sense, but there is a cure for herpes in how you allow it to affect your life … your own unhealthy relationship to yourself and to this simple virus can be cured.

A friend shared with me one of the most profound statements about shame: Shame is breadcrumbs that lead to more opportunities for self-acceptance and wholeness. So having shame about genital herpes is us believing that who we are isn’t enough to have someone accept a simple virus. This shame holds us back from believing that entire parts of ourselves are lovable. So we avoid looking at those parts of ourselves. We look the other way. Denial is the easiest way to avoid those parts that we don’t love, those parts we don’t accept. But what if those parts we are choosing not to look at is where our beauty lies?

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” – Rumi

Shame as a tool. So what if you choose instead to use shame as a tool, a homing device, that leads you to more opportunities for wholeness and self-acceptance? Put another way: What part of yourself do you get to accept instead of shame? The shame draws your attention to something you can either choose to avoid or get more curious about. If herpes will have you believe that you are not lovable, then you will instinctively move away from anything that might prove that imagining to be true; you will avoid all romantic opportunities out there in the world that could prove to you once and for all that you’re not lovable. But by avoiding these opportunities altogether, you are also avoiding one simple fact: You are lovable.

The Warrior’s Journey. This is starting to sound a lot like all of those ancient myths. The warrior goes on a journey to ultimately battle the fierce dragon, learns a lot about himself in the process and finds that the dragon is guarding a cave full of riches. There’s a reason these metaphorical myths have survived over the centuries: They apply to each of us in that we go through the process of living life, and confronting our own dragons. And once we find the courage to face our dragons, we might just find treasures of self-acceptance behind them. Herpes may seem like a fierce dragon, bent on taking away your love and freedom, but when you face it down you can find all of that is simply not true. For example, maybe you’re avoiding having the herpes talk with someone you’re interested in, but you avoid it because you believe they won’t see you as the treasure you are. Do you really know that you’re a treasure? It’s ironic: Having the courage to face the parts of ourselves that we feel aren’t enough actually gives us the opportunity to realize that they are.

So instead of looking away, let’s look deeper into those parts of ourselves. We might just find something rich and worth it.

View the original article here

Herpes coach: You are not alone

Does any of this apply to you?

Herpes is constantly on your mind, taking you away from living your life fullyHaving herpes has convinced you that you’re completely alone and always will beSimply saying the word “herpes” makes your heart sinkYou judge yourself mercilessly, saying things like “How was I so stupid to get herpes?”You just had your first herpes outbreak; you feel lost and don’t know what to doYou’re waiting for a herpes cure to save you from having to deal with thisYou have to distract yourself from remembering that you have herpes in order to just get through the dayHaving the herpes talk (disclosing) scares the crap out of you and you don’t know how you could possibly tell someone “I have herpes”You are disgusted — and think everyone else is, too — that you have herpes, so much so that it feels like it defines you for the worst (scarlet letter H)

Question for you: What is possible in your life when herpes stops hindering you and you get to really live your life?

Because here’s the truth: Who you are is more important than what you have. Period.

Let’s shift your negative associations with this simple virus. So many allow themselves to suffer with herpes. You don’t have to be one of them.

By the way, listen to herpes interviews (New Man Podcast, Coach Betty, Asking for What You Want as well as real people just like you and me telling their own herpes story). Also check out the herpes forum and the herpes opportunity weekend seminar.

For immediate clinical-related questions about herpes, here are some great help lines talk with a knowledgeable operator live. Here is the info for those:

(919) 361-8488 (M-F, 9a-7p EST)
(206) 344-2539 (MWF 6:30-9p EST)
or visit ASHA’s website

Interested in talking more about herpes life coaching? Send me a message!

View the original article here

Watch my herpes video diary

DAY 1

Last week, my girlfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. It’s been the most loving relationship I’ve ever experienced. And I was so afraid to let it go (even though we both knew it was time to let it go). All of the fear that was holding on to about what breaking up would look like ended up not being like that at all when it happened. Ultimately, as it was in our relationship, it has been the most loving breakup I’ve ever experienced, too. We still love each other, still live together until she finds a new place, still committed to the best for each other, and knowing that we aren’t meant to be together, at least not now. And this change has set me on a path of wanting to make sure I take care of myself, too. I have a tendency to feel alone if I don’t stay connected to what matters, if I don’t remind myself of what’s important.

So I have dedicated myself to get up by an alarm clock at 7:00a (which is early, folks, I’m a freelancer!), bolt out of bed, head out the door to start my first hour off with deep breathing, practicing gratitude, getting clear on what I want my future to look and feel like, and reminding myself to feel instead of shut down. I am lucky enough to have a beautiful forest and creek right across the street from me. And I go jogging along the creek during this routine. At a certain point along the path is a beautiful spot that overlooks a bend in the creek where I sit down and record whatever comes up. And I’ve decided to share the first three days of this video diary with you, with our community …

DAY 2, PART 1 (OF 3)

DAY 2, PART 2 (OF 3)

DAY 2, PART 3 (OF 3)

DAY 3

View the original article here

Herpes and medication

DISCLAIMER: I’m no doctor. (And I don’t even play one on TV.) Any recommendations in this blog post — and on this entire site, for that matter — should be gone over with your doctor prior to acting on it. It’s just the smart thing to do.

There is no herpes cure (like a lot of sheisty websites out there would have you believe), but there are ways to keep the virus at bay. And medication is only the tip of the iceberg. My initial advice about medicating herpes is this: Don’t take it if you don’t have to. It’s a drug. And I try to stay as natural and drug-free as I can. You’d be amazed at how staying physically and mentally healthy can naturally suppress the virus. That said, depending on your body, health and a whole range of factors, taking medication to make you more comfortable or to keep your herpes-free partner safe may be a viable option. Some people are under the impression that if they have herpes, they need to be taking herpes medication. That’s not true. Here are the facts …

There are only two solid reasons to take  suppressive medication for herpes.

So before we even get into the actual medication options themselves, it’s important to determine for yourself whether medicating yourself is even necessary or beneficial. As far as I see it, there are only two solid reasons that you should take suppressive medication for herpes:

To protect a partner who doesn’t have herpes. Taking suppressive therapy will lessen the chance of passing herpes to your herpes-free partner. Even if you aren’t having an active outbreak, herpes viral shedding happens 5-10% of the time, so taking medication every day across the board helps lessen the chance of passing the virus. “70% of new herpes infections are acquired from people who have no symptoms at the time of transmission … Suppressive therapy has been shown to reduce the likelihood of transmission by half or more.” (Source: About.com)If your outbreaks are severe and/or frequent. Especially when you initially get herpes, the first herpes outbreak and subsequent outbreaks within the first 6 months to a year can be more extreme before your body builds up immunity to the new virus. But the good news is, the vast majority of people who have herpes report that their outbreaks increasingly lessen in both frequency and severity as time goes on. A major determinant of that is how you take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and physically. So initially you may take daily suppressive therapy to lessen the outbreaks, but keep in mind that your body is working hard to build its own defenses. You may consider easing off of the medication after a few months to see how your herpes outbreaks have changed. Consider easing to episodic therapy from suppressive as a midway point.

Suppressive vs. Episodic Therapy

Suppressive therapy involves taking the medication on a daily basis to suppress the herpes virus. This form of medicating applies mainly to the two reasons discussed above. Taking suppressive therapy doesn’t mean you will avoid herpes outbreaks altogether, but suppressive therapy has been shown to lessen the frequency, severity and length of time of outbreaks. It also helps lessen viral shedding (if your partner doesn’t have herpes).

Episodic therapy refers to treating herpes outbreaks on an as-needed basis as they occur. If you are single or otherwise not having sex with a herpes-free partner, this may be the option for you to lessen the severity and length of herpes symptoms. As you get more knowledgeable about your prodrome symptoms that signal an outbreak is coming on (tingling, burning, itching in the area of your outbreak or pain in your butt/thighs), you can take a dose of medication to cut the outbreak off at the pass. The sooner you can medicate at the first sign of an outbreak, the better. My experience with medicating after the outbreak is in “full bloom” is that it doesn’t do much good. Others have said it shortens their healing time, though.

Herpes antiviral medications

There are three herpes antiviral medications available in tablet form: famciclovir, aciclovir and valaciclovir (also known as Valtrex).

Lysine, Arginine and Herpes

One of the main conversations about your diet is that of Lysine vs. Arginine. Eat a diet high in lysine and low in arginine to prevent and control herpes outbreaks. Lysine inhibits the herpes virus from reproducing, while arginine is a favorite food of herpes and encourages the virus to grow and replicate, according to John W. Hill, author of the book “Natural Treatments for Genital Herpes, Cold Sores and Shingles.” Lysine also inhibits the herpes virus from being able to use arginine, thereby slowing its reproduction rate.

So choose foods high in lysine (fish, chicken, beef, lamb, milk, cheese, beans, brewer’s yeast, mung bean sprouts, and fruits and vegetables) and avoid foods high in arginine (gelatin, chocolate, carob, coconut, oats, wheat flour and wheat germ, peanuts and soybeans).

And when all is said and done, do what feels healthy to you. I’m not a big fan of totally restricting your diet in order to avoid a simple herpes outbreak. It’s simply a lifestyle choice. If chocolate makes you happy, then eat chocolate. This lysine-arginine conversation is just something to be aware of.

Natural remedies

If you do some google searches, you’ll find thousands (if not millions) of people who claim to have success with many different natural remedies. None have been okayed by the FDA, but you make your own decisions on what you think will work. It’s your body and your health!

From the herpes forum:

“I have an amazing herbal ointment made in NZ…I have even used it before sex…smooth it on and its like this lovely silky barrier. It’s made with Manuka, Melissa, tea tree and peppermint oils.” — Lelani on Tested positive for HSV 2

“Lysine plus astragalus (chinese anti-viral herb) and olive leaf extract (another anti-viral). i did valtrex during my second year… i also don’t trust the meds (liver damaging) although my doctor who is an HSV specialist says it’s safe to take daily (500mg tablets). Test it out.” — Carlos on Tested positive for HSV 2

“Since this virus has a lot to do with the immune system, and I’m sure you’re familiar with GNC get the probiotic50 and lysine1000 they’re both really good supplements and it will keep you from getting sick as well. Olive leaf works really well too! Typically I only use Valtrex when I get an outbreak like 2000g within 24 hours. Keep in mind foods high in lysine (milk, fish, eggs, poultry, beef) usually keep the virus at bay. But carbs on the other hand, (rice, wheats, grains etc) are high in arginine in which the virus thrives. Keep that in mind and keep doing what you’re doing. Oh and just keep that area dry, for some reason everyone’s nether regions tend to produce a different type of sweat than that of the rest of your body, so use some baby powder or balla powder (it’s good, I use it).” — College_Guy12345 on Herpes prodrome: What’s it like for you?

Here’s to Your Health

Ultimately we should take care of our health regardless — our bodies are our temples, after all, right? And if you haven’t been taking care of yourself, herpes may be one of those wakeup calls that motivate you to hit the gym and eat right. The healthier we are, the better we treat our bodies and our minds, the more we have available to keep the herpes virus suppressed. And aside from that, you just feel better overall when you take better care of yourself. Stress to the body, whether it be polluting ourselves with greasy burgers or polluting our heads with nasty thoughts, is one of the main initiators of a herpes outbreak. So use herpes as a great excuse to just take care of yourself across the board.

Here’s a great perspective-shifter … To continue the health discussion a bit more, you can think of a herpes outbreak not as something disgusting and shameful, but instead as a sign to take better care of yourself. Herpes acts as a barometer in your body that signals that you aren’t taking as good care of yourself as you could be. That mental shift can take a lot of unnecessary suffering out of the equation. Feeling a herpes outbreak coming on could mean you stop what you’re doing and go get a massage, go outside in the hammock and read your favorite book. Use your herpes outbreaks as a physical sign to destress your life.

View the original article here

Herpes interview with Marcia of Asking for What You Want

I totally enjoyed my chat with Marcia of askingforwhatyouwant.com last night. It was less an interview and more two friends chatting about how people with herpes can totally lead happy, fulfilled lives and learn to accept all the love they deserve.

Here’s what Marcia had to say about our interview last night …

Wow! Last night’s interview with Dale was terrific! If you missed it, no problem … You can listen to the recording in its entirety at:
http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/what-the-h.mp3

Here is just some of what we talked about:

Why herpes is not the end of your dating lifeSimple steps you can take to overcome herpes shameThe opportunity herpes provides for intimacyWhether or not to disclose your herpes statusHow (and when) to talk about herpesHow to handle guilt and anger from your partnerTips for non-herpes partnersWhere to get Dale’s free e-book on herpes disclosureDetails and (mega!) discounts on his upcoming weekend conference

We also were cracking up at a few points. (Who knew talking about herpes could be so much fun?)

Also, Dale wanted to add a note and extend an offer:

I’d love to offer each of you a 30-minute call with me to discuss whatever would benefit you, whether it’s coaching or you just need an ear to hear your story. Email me at hello@thehopp.com, and we’ll set something up that works for you.

View the original article here

I’ve been lying to you …

Yes, this whole time, I’ve been lying to you. I’ve been talking about transparency and openness and vulnerability as keys to letting go of shame around having herpes. And I haven’t been being entirely open, vulnerable and shameless. I have been afraid. I’ve given convenient excuses to my friends and family who know about the Herpes Opportunity, and I’ve provided excuses to myself. And through those excuses, I think that in a way, I’ve been perpetuating the stigma, perpetuating the idea that as a person with herpes, I need to hide to protect myself. Believing that if people knew the truth that they would have judgments. They would reject me. It’s been a part of my own long-term process of “coming out of the herpes closet.” And as much as it was truly a part of my process, there was also this nagging voice in me that said I wasn’t practicing what I preached. I felt like a fraud. And I apologize.

And now I’m ready to come clean … *deep breath* … My actual name is not Dale …

My actual name is not Dale. It’s Adrial Dale. Nice to meet you.

My first name is Adrial. My last name is Dale. Full name? You’ve probably already put that together by now: I’m Adrial Dale. Nice to meet you.

And you know what? Initially, a rush of fear and nausea comes over me. The fear of who might find out my true identity, what they might think … And then after that passes, I feel liberated. I feel lighter. It’s ironic. The very thing that I was holding back was actually eating away at me. Whether or not it was a big deal to anyone else what name I used, it was clearly bugging me in the background. It was a big deal to ME, whether I liked it or not. I realize now that my own integrity was trying to get my attention and I wasn’t acting on it.

The convenient excuses I was giving myself

Excuse #1: “I have a unique first name. What if people from my past search for my name on the web and find out I’m ‘that herpes guy.’ What if they have negative associations and judgments against herpes? I won’t have the opportunity to disclose to them on my own terms. Their own judgments might get the better of them and paint their perspective of me in a negative way.”Excuse #2: “I’m a freelance graphic designer (shameless plug: adrialdesigns.com … Ding!). If my clients search for my name, they’ll find out I have herpes. What will they think? Will I lose clients? I’d better not risk it. Not a good business decision.”Excuse #3: “Using an alias is just part of my process. Eventually I’ll reveal my real name. But not now. I’ll wait until I have more support from people who have been helped by the Herpes Opportunity before I do that.” (Note: This is not to say that I’m expecting myself to be totally transparent about everything that I have shame about, but I recognized that the time for hiding had long passed.)

The beliefs that I was choosing to believe

The fact that I felt I needed to cover up my identity was fueled by some pretty convincing beliefs. What I’m realizing now are how patently FALSE these beliefs are. Here they are, as I can see them now:

False belief #1: Most people believe herpes, and subsequently people with herpes, to be dirty and morally impure. (Sounds like a very open-minded assumption, huh?)False belief #2: I need to protect myself from judgment and possible negative stereotypes and the resulting consequences of such judgment/stereotypes. (Total victim mentality sporting itself here.)False belief #3: If my clients know I have herpes, they won’t want to work with me. (Because we all know you can get herpes from getting a website designed for you, after all, right?) False belief #4: If people find out I have herpes, I will be ridiculed and made fun of. (That says more about them than it does about me.)

What do all these beliefs have in common? They’re all allowing me to hide, to play it small, to shy away from the truth so that I won’t have to grow. Ultimately, these beliefs all spring from the fear that if people know the truth about me, I’ll be alone. Unloved. The essence of shame …

The truth (coincidentally, the main messages of the Herpes Opportunity)

Herpes doesn’t define me. It’s just something I have. Who I am is what I choose to do with what I’m handed in my life. I’m choosing to live from this belief and have my actions fall in line with that from here on out.People’s judgments against herpes act as a super convenient filter for me to weed out the people in my life who aren’t meant to be in my life. I want people by my side who are open-minded, supportive and non-judgmental. I haven’t had a friend or family member not want to be in my life because of this, and I wonder about the kind of friend or family member who would allow a simple virus to impact a deep relationship.When I share whatever I am ashamed of, what I am ashamed of loses its power over me. I get to take that power back and use it in more resourceful ways. That’s definitely the case here. I feel liberated and inspired. And so it is.

So what brought all this sudden transparency on?

I wish I could say that I simply had a profound personal epiphany that prompted me to come out with my real name on my own accord … but that’s not how it happened. I asked my social media wizard and all-around-great-guy friend Mike Morrell to school me on getting the Herpes Opportunity message out there to a wider audience. He excitedly agreed to help however he could. Little did I know that his help would include him immediately posting to his Facebook wall — and tagging me, yes, my personal facebook (which, if you don’t know facebook, is basically like posting on my personal wall)! At that moment of terror, I was about to politely ask him to edit his post to not include me, thank you very much. Then I realized something: this was MY opportunity to shed another layer of shame. And so here I am. All raw and vulnerable to the world. Yikes! And I have Mike to thank. If it weren’t for his “slip-up” this opportunity wouldn’t have presented itself. Interesting how that works, huh? So, just to get Mike back, here’s his website: http://www.mikemorrell.org

So there you have it …

I hope you forgive me for not sharing myself fully. I also hope this helps you in your own process of revealing yourself more fully to the world. Because hiding only promotes more hiding. And the shame grows. So let’s come out of the shadows more … it’s a beautiful day. Let’s enjoy it.

So, I’m wondering how shame might be having you hold yourself back? Can you relate at all? Are you feeling deceived and angry? I want to hear it all. Hop on this herpes forum post and share. I’d love to hear from you and we can all help dissolve the shame together as a community …

View the original article here

Herpes Simplex Virus 101

This is a guest blog. Original article can be found here.

The most common versions of herpes simplex virus, or HSV, are HSV-1 and HSV-2. Generally speaking, HSV-1 causes cold sores (oral herpes) on the mouth, and HSV-2 causes genital herpes (which is essentially just having cold sores in your genital area, rather than your face). With this in mind, it’s possible to get HSV-1 genitally and/or HSV-2 orally, but not as likely as the other way around. While HSV-1 and HSV-2 aren’t super picky, they do tend to prefer their former positions.

HSV doesn’t check resumes—it’s a virus. As far as it’s concerned, any human with a pulse is sufficient.

An extremely ignorant yet common belief is that only prostitutes, porn stars and/or promiscuous people acquire HSV. However, the reality of the situation is that this myth could not be farther from the truth.

HSV doesn’t check resumes—it’s a virus. As far as it’s concerned, any human with a pulse is sufficient. Literally, the only way to be 100% sure you don’t get it is complete abstinence from sexual activity. Because most people are not okay with completely abstaining from sex, most people are at risk for contracting HSV—this is fact. While condoms lessen the risk of transmission, they do not offer full protection from the virus as it can spread from mere skin-to-skin contact. Millions of people have contracted and continue to contract HSV while having protected sex.

HSV can also be acquired through oral sex. If someone has a cold sore on their lips while performing oral sex on their partner, they can actually infect their partner genitally (yes, it’s that easy). Usually, this is how genital HSV-1 occurs. In addition, it can also be possible to infect someone through oral sex without a cold sore visible via asymptomatic shedding of the virus. While a reasonable amount of people (though not anywhere close to all) use protection during sexual intercourse, few to none use protection during oral sex. Sexually active people, whether they know it or not, put themselves at risk daily for contracting HSV. The risk is always there.

Herpes Statistics

In the United States of America alone, 16% of society carries HSV-2. For the record, that’s over 25 million people and counting. As far as HSV-1 goes, we’re looking at a whopping 80%—well over half of the population! Considering these numbers, it’s actually uncommon to not have HSV, rather than the other way around. If you’ve kissed 2 or more people, you’ve already kissed someone with HSV, whether you knew it or not. If you’ve had sex with 4 or more people, you’ve already had sex with someone with HSV, whether you knew it or not.

The United Kingdom has similar percentages, except their HSV-1 rate is higher by 10% or so. In Italy, it’s estimated that around 90% of the population carries HSV-1. In total, about 2/3 or 67% (upwards of 80%) of the entire world carries it. HSV is everywhere.

If it’s so common, you may be wondering why it can seem so rare at times. This is because many people who are HSV+ are asymptomatic—they do not have herpes symptoms, and therefore have absolutely no idea that they carry the virus. Other times, they have symptoms so mild that they’re unnoticeable or mistaken for something else, including but not limited to allergic reaction, skin irritation, jock itch, etc. Of course, it also doesn’t help that HSV testing is not included in the standard STI (sexually transmitted infection) checkup. People that are responsible enough to get tested may have HSV and still not know about it because of this. So, a week or two later when they come out negative, they think they’re good and continue to spread the virus unknowingly via asymptomatic shedding.

Let’s not get started on individuals who don’t get tested and continue to have sex with multiple partners. The head-in-the-sand approach seems to be a popular choice among people these days. After all, ignorance is bliss, right? (Wrong.) Try telling yourself that after you have full-blown AIDS, when you could have caught HIV in time and actually saved your life. Or, tell yourself that ignorance is bliss when investing your savings and retirement fund in the stock market without doing any research first. Yeah… that should turn out well…

So, please, get tested, and also request the HSV-specific blood test called the “IgG” while you’re at it. This ensures that you get all the information regarding your sexual health, for the sake of both yourself and your partner(s).

In essence, most people carry the virus, but only a few people realize it. So, the next time you hear someone say they are HSV+, just know that they aren’t different because they have HSV—they’re different because they’re aware that they have HSV. Nothing more, nothing less.

Prevention

As we talked about earlier, the only fail-proof way to prevent HSV is to abstain from sexual activity. And actually, that’s not even entirely true, as millions of people contract oral HSV-1 through friendly kisses from friends and family members (often as young kids). So, honestly, the only way to completely prevent yourself from getting HSV is to abstain from human contact altogether. Unless you plan on moving to the jungle sometime soon (in which case, you’ll have much bigger problems to worry about), avoiding human contact isn’t very realistic. (Oh, and animals get HSV, too, by the way. Just FYI.)

The upside is that HSV is a mostly harmless virus, and the social stigma attached to it is falsely manufactured out of pure public ignorance. If some crazy guy on the street came up to you and started yelling that the world was going to end, would you believe him? People have been saying that since the beginning of time, yet here we are. The same is essentially true for HSV—don’t believe the hype. Most people have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to the subject, anyway. There really isn’t much to fear. In fact, what you should be scared of most is false information provided by people who haven’t done their research. End of story.

Sex

To minimize transmission during physical intimacy, including but not limited to sexual activity, there are a few things to keep in mind. Although nothing is 100% except fully abstaining from human contact (yes, human contact—not just sexual contact), as explained earlier, it is still in your power (or the power of your partner, depending on who’s positive and who’s negative) to significantly lessen the chances of contracting HSV.

A few things are obvious. If someone has a visible cold sore on their mouth—generally on the lips—you should avoid kissing and oral sex until it clears up. While it is still possible to spread the virus via asymptomatic shedding, it’s much less likely. On top of that, with well over half the population being infected orally, that’s about as safe as you’re going to get. Actually, there is a way to be safer, and that will be shown momentarily (and don’t worry, it’s not abstinence).

The first rule of sexual intercourse is pretty similar: no sex during an active outbreak. When you’re not having an outbreak, however, there are precautions you can take to exponentially decrease chances of transmission—so much that it’s literally safer to have sex with an HSV+ individual that is aware of their status, rather than a complete stranger. Oh, and to clarify “complete stranger,” just to avoid any confusion or possible twisting of words, this is referring to someone whose sexual health you do not completely know.

A “complete stranger” is not necessarily a random person you picked up a bar or party and barely learned their name before hopping in the sack, although that would certain qualify as well. In this situation, it’s simply someone whose official health records you have not seen with your own two eyes, along with some kind of assurance that those health records were confirmed after their most recent sexual partner. Not great chances, we know. Yet, this is honestly the reality of sex, and anything else you may have previously believed is essentially nothing more than a fairy tale or Hollywood propaganda. So, considering what’s just been said, almost everyone—even people you have known for years—can and most likely do qualify as “complete strangers” sexually.

If this concerns you, and it should (not even just for HSV anymore, but for potentially life-threatening infections such as HIV/AIDS), there is hope. HSV+ individuals that are aware of their status generally tend to take better of their sexual health than most people. This is because they have already had a “scare” (HSV), then consequently realize how lucky they are to only have something as minor as HSV—a mostly harmless, oftentimes asymptomatic virus—and in turn become extremely responsible sexually. At the same time, a large portion of society continues to have sex while remaining completely unaware of their sexual health, because they still live in fantasy-land created by the movies they’ve seen and music they listen to. “Bad things won’t happen to me,” or, “this doesn’t apply to me” are a couple of thoughts prevalent in the average person’s mind. Wrong and wrong.

The (seriously) good news about being involved romantically or sexually with someone that’s aware of their HSV+ status, is that you can both take the precautions necessary to practically destroy any chances of transmission. In an ironic way, this is actually what makes sex with an HSV+ partner safer than sex with someone else whose recent and proper medical documents you have not examined. When active outbreaks aren’t occurring, use of anti-viral medication such as Valtrex or Aciclovir, combined with “protection” (condoms) almost completely kill your chances of transmission—especially when used together.

Transmission

To give you a realistic idea that demonstrates exactly how much safer sex with an HSV+ partner is, take a look at the numbers provided by scientific studies.

By avoiding sex during an active outbreak, chances of virus transmission are 4% a year (Terri Warren, RN, NP – WebMD, 2005). Yes, per year, not sexual session. Dividing this figure by 365 days (or nights), this makes the possibility of spreading the virus on any given day/night .0001%, or 1/10,000 (.04 / 365 = 0.000109589041).

If also using condoms or anti-viral drugs, it cuts those already-staggering odds in half to 2% a year. The possibility of spreading HSV on any given night would then become 1/20,000. To put this in perspective, you have a better chance of literally dying in a car accident tomorrow on your way to school or work (1/18,585), although, surely this “risk” won’t stop you from driving. 1 in 18,000… driving seems pretty safe, doesn’t it? The fact that you will still drive your car (or ride in cars) after reading this article is proof that you agree.

[Herpes Opportunity note: I don't agree with this guest article's math logic. For example, if the chances of transmission are 4% a year, dividing that by 365 doesn't accurately reflect your chances of transmission. If it's 4% year-round, then it's also 4% at any given moment.]

It’s cool, though, because you’d be right. Driving is pretty safe. Just remember: having a knowledgeable HSV+ partner is safer. If you’re not scared to drive, you are agreeing to this by default.

With the use of both simultaneously (condoms and anti-viral drugs), it cuts the number in half once again: a mere 1% chance of transmitting the virus per annual basis. On any given night, we’re now entertaining a “risk” of 1/40,000. You now have better odds of becoming a pro athlete (1/22,000). Do you plan on signing that million-dollar contract anytime soon?

Didn’t think so.

Simply put: 99% odds are excellent. If you had a 99% chance of winning the lottery, would you buy a ticket? You’d be crazy not to. There’s no arguing with that.

Therefore, considering that the only (truly) guaranteed thing in life is death, 99% odds are as solid as it gets. 96% is pretty assuring as well. Plus, people that are aware of their HSV+ status generally tend to notice even the mildest of symptoms, including prodrome symptoms. Because of this, they are much more likely to recognize when an outbreak is about to occur, and can then inform their partner in time to knock transmission rates down to 1-4% per year by abstaining from sex temporarily.

For females, the chances of contracting HSV are slightly higher, but not by much. Ideally, we’re looking at about 98% prevention instead of 99% (“risk” is doubled because of increased point of contact). Hardly a significant difference overall, though.

On the contrary, “strangers” or people unaware of their status, can have the lightest outbreak the world has ever seen yet end up spreading the virus because they have no idea what’s going on, or that they’re even positive in the first place. This, along with asymptomatic shedding (generally from those not taking anti-viral medication), is how most people actually get HSV to begin with.

If you get anything out of this, it should be this: most people contract HSV from people who do not know they are infected, rather than from people who are aware of their status and hence bring it up for discussion. With this in mind, do not be scared off by “the herpes talk” (whether you are giving it or listening). The information is clear: the former person is risky, and the latter person is safe as long as the proper precautions are taken. The numbers speak for themselves.

Finally, one last friendly reminder: just because you do not discuss each other’s sexual health prior to engaging in sexual activity does not make you okay. And, it certainly doesn’t mean that you and your partner are clear of HSV… or anything else for that matter. Always be smart, responsible, and respectful of your partner (HSV+ or HSV-)—and your love life will be amazing. Awareness and education in addition to honest and consistent communication make HSV a virtual non-issue in any relationship.

Pregnancy

Taking relationships to the next level, it’s time to discuss the possibilities of starting a family. This brings up the inevitable worries of HSV and pregnancy.

Before we go any further on this topic, just know that (as usual) everything is good. Do you think the world would be nearly as populated as it is today if only HSV- people had kids? If that was the case, this planet wouldn’t currently hold 7 billion people… that’s for sure. So, obviously it happens, and it happens often—like every day.

Having said that, it’s great that you’re concerned about the health of your future child (or children). That shows you’ll be a good parent. However, it’s not logical or healthy for you to worry needlessly, so we’re going to clear everything up.

First and foremost, if you plan to get pregnant, or suspect that you’re pregnant, inform your doctor about your HSV+ status. This way, they can give you their professional opinion and thoughts regarding necessary precautions. You do not want to keep your physician in the dark about this.

During pregnancy, it’s usually recommended that you take anti-viral medication on a regular basis—if you haven’t been doing so already. At the absolute very least, it’s important to begin taking it a couple months before delivery. This will help to ensure you remain outbreak-free during the time of childbirth.

While neonatal herpes can be fatal since an infant’s immune system is so undeveloped, it is extremely rare. Medical doctor Zane Brown, an expert on neonatal herpes and a member of the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Washington, has been quoted saying: “Neonatal herpes is a remarkably rare event.” To give you an idea of how uncommon this type of transmission is, we’re looking at odds of less than 0.1%.

Like information about HSV in general, most of the fear associated with childbirth transmission is falsely manufactured out of ignorance. Remember: believe the research, not the hype. The former is grounded on fact, the latter on fiction.

Additional good news for being HSV+ and pregnant is that if you contracted HSV prior to pregnancy (rather than during), your odds of transmission colossally decrease to about .04% (Randolph, JAMA, 1993). This is assuming that you are still outbreak-free at the time of childbirth, of course.

For situations where the woman is having an outbreak during time of delivery, the doctor can perform a Caesarean section, or C-section, to prevent the child from contracting the virus. HSV or not, women have C-sections all the time, so there really isn’t anything too crazy about this.

All in all, it’s not necessary to stress about passing the virus to your baby. Aside from empowering the virus, stress just makes life in general worse. Inform your physician of the situation and take the proper precautions to ensure safety—and everything will be fine. You deserve to have a family if you want one, and HSV is not going to get in your way.

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