Herpes movie? Interview with “Party Favors” director

Sometimes it seems like movies and TV shape how people see themselves and one another. That’s why I’m excited that Michael Matucci is bringing a real story about H to the big screen in a Hollywood movie. Michael is making a bold move to take the conversation about H out of the shadows and into mainstream culture. AND… you can help! Contribute something to the Kickstarter campaign (launching in a few days). Even a small donation helps and let’s the crew know how much this matters.

My buddy David (who also helps to lead the Herpes Opportunity weekend workshops) and I had a great chat with the creator/writer Michael Matucci about this upcoming movie (set to start filming in a few months) called “Party Favors.” We talk about why he created it and what he wants people to get from the movie:

[ KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN LAUNCHING SOON! ]

“Based on a true story, Party Favors illustrates the isolation of stigma and the power and freedom of transparency.”

Look at it this way for a minute… Herpes affects a huge percentage of real people, yet it’s nowhere to be found in popular culture. I wonder which celebrities, rock stars and movie stars have herpes? I wonder how many of them keep secret about it because of shame and fear.

That’s why both this movie and Herpes Opportunity are so awesome. (Don’t you think?) We have open and real conversations about our experiences and our lives. Simply having the conversation is often a healing transformational experience for many people (just see all the success stories here and here). At the Herpes Opportunity, people realize they are not alone, and this movie has the potential to bring that same realization to thousands of people who still feel that way.

From the Party Favors website:
“Party Favors  is an up close and personal film. It’s the story of dashing singles, busy charming the city of LA by day and attempting to keep life on the surface at night. It’s all to avoid facing the secrets that bubble within. Based on a true story, Party Favors illustrates the isolation of stigma and the power and freedom of transparency.”

Sound familiar?

The freedom that comes with shameless transparency — especially around something as vulnerable as our sexuality — has the potential to transform sexual shame into deep connection. That’s the deep connection our world is yearning for. And not just connection in a romantic sense. Human connection. And that’s why this film is exciting to me. It’s a perfect complement to exactly what the Herpes Opportunity stands for.

Here’s what Michael writes about the movie:

I talk too much. Always have. Get me going on a topic—politics, corporate mischief, ignorance, plastic bags, sodas—I just go!  I excitedly started telling others about my newest movie script, Party Favors, based on the true story of a couple of dashing guys who seemed to have it all on the outside but kept the uncomfortable secrets of their chronic STDs deep within. Instead of the usual, “Wow, Michael. Sounds cool!” I watched as discomfort crept across their faces like an evening shadow. “A movie about a guy with herpes?! Uhhh…”

Folks, this is why I make films.

Misconceptions and prejudices are shattered when we meet the people who actually live with whatever it is that we are critical (read fearful) of. The characters in Party Favors are beautiful, stylish, and dynamic. They sweep you off your feet. Their dance is dazzling and electric.  They have solid day jobs and make entertaining company at night. And they, like millions of others, are living with chronic STDs.

After eight months of preparation, I am burning up to shoot “Party Favors,” and get some common sense conversation about sexual health into the public realm. We will be giving it away for FREE on our YouTube Channel, RADartists. I want to show how H or anything about which we feel shameful is, like Adrial says, an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to be a greater you.

You don’t have to be content to be an audience member. Step off the bleachers and get on the field by promoting this endeavor and/or contributing to the Kickstarter Campaign. Together we can mash stigma. Find out more at RealizeArtistsDreams.com/partyfavors.

The movement is coming. Help me give your story a Hollywood ending and let’s enlighten millions.

View the original article here

[Video] Doctor answers questions about genital herpes (HSV) and HPV

Dr. Peter Leone (who has appeared in the New York Times and NPR’s Talk of the Nation) stopped by our monthly herpes support group on April 8, 2013, in Raleigh, NC, to give herpes facts and update us on the latest herpes statistics. He gave so much clarity around all the horribly misunderstood herpes information out there!

Topics covered:

View the original article here

Here’s why you suck with herpes

“You suck. You’re worthless. You won’t find someone to love you. Who would possibly accept you with this disgusting H thing? Who are you kidding? You should give up — right now!”

Sound familiar?

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: I’m not the one saying all these nasty things to you right now. No, no, no — I couldn’t be that cruel even to my worst enemy! Based off of so many people I’ve talked with in our Herpes Opportunity forums, our Herpes Opportunity weekend workshop and private coaching clients, I have heard this kind of junk coming straight out of their own heads! And I assume that on some level that kind of smack-talking is going on in your head … right … now.

So what’s the answer to why you suck?

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
(Albert Einstein)

You suck because you believe that you suck. That’s it.

No one can convince you of something that you don’t already believe on some level. Albert Einstein said “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” So how are we going to solve this H “problem”? (It’s a whole other discussion on the power of words we use and the kind of impact those have on our experience of life.) First, step outside of it actually being a problem. It just is. Can you change the fact that you have herpes? No. Yes, you could hold out hope of a herpes cure, but sometimes hope can hold us back from living. So if you can just accept that one fact (Say it with me: “I have herpes. So what?”), then you are free to move into healing your own relationship to yourself. Denial that you have herpes actually holds you back from getting on a deep level that you don’t suck. Actually, it’s quite opposite from sucking. Because it’s not really about herpes. It’s about whatever beliefs you have rattling around in your head that have you thinking that something as simple as a skin condition can mean that you are unlovable.

Based on Brene Brown’s research (see her inspiring TED talk here), the people who had love and belonging and those who didn’t only differed on one thing: The belief that they either deserved it or didn’t. That’s it. So what does it take to believe that you are worthy of all those things? It’s not a process of learning more, but a process of unlearning all that programming that has you believing all that bullshit of you being anything less than awesome.

Tell me, what makes a newborn baby worthy of love? If you looked at a newborn baby (how about imagining you as a newborn baby), how many reasons could you rattle off that this little bundle of joy isn’t worthy of being held, accepted, loved? I would assume none. I know it would be quite difficult for me to judge that innocent baby. Maybe your powers in baby judging are better than mine, but I assume we’re on the same page here. So my question is, what’s the difference between you and that baby? What makes it deserve nothing but love and acceptance and what makes you deserve all this self-judgment and beliefs of not-enoughness? Herpes? I don’t think so.

So let’s wrap this up with an obvious statement: You don’t suck. You’re awesome. Get over it. Own it. Drop all the other bullshit. Start believing that you are worth it. Why? Because you are. And the more energy you put into entertaining the possibility you aren’t just fuels the fire of not-enoughness (have you ever heard the great phrase “What you focus on becomes bigger”?). If you entertain the facts of your awesomeness and all the wonderful proof that goes along with that, then your awesomeness gets to grow within you (and in all of your other relationships, too).

So start now. You deserve it. It’s up to you. You awesome human being, you.

View the original article here

Why a herpes cure wouldn’t have helped me before now

Guest author from our community: Beckie

For years, I found ways to deny that I have herpes. My first herpes outbreak was brutal and traumatic, but after that, I never had another herpes outbreak. At the time of the onset, I was in a committed relationship with a supportive partner. And because I wasn’t having any outbreaks to remind me I had herpes, I did a very good job of forgetting about it. And even when I did feel occasional tingling, itching or discomfort, my mind didn’t immediately think it was related to herpes prodrome symptoms — I just brushed it off as nothing.

“I  believe I’m going to be able to heal now … because I dealt with the root issue …”

So yeah, on one hand the herpes was manageable for me and I was able to move on fairly quickly from it. But on the other hand, I’d had a huge amount of emotion triggered with the herpes diagnosis, and instead of dealing with it, I shoved it back down into my body. I couldn’t deal with it. It was too heavy. Too painful. I wasn’t strong enough yet. And I can have compassion for myself about this — it was a mountain of baggage.

Nevertheless, because I wasn’t dealing with my mountain of shame through having herpes, my body needed another outlet. So guess what? My inherited varicose veins started getting worse. Despite the fact I was losing weight and eating healthier than I’ve ever eaten. Interesting, right? Sure, science would say they’re genetic and inevitably would get worse over time, but I don’t really buy that. Something within my mind/body was causing them to get worse within this time frame. And for me, they were absolutely a trigger for shame. Every message I ever took in from society taught me they’re unsightly, disgusting and should be hidden (sound familiar?).

From my place of reflection today, I find it just too coincidental that the varicose veins started to get noticeably worse around this time. It was like my body said, “Damn. She’s not dealing with the shame through the herpes. Well, let’s make the veins worse and see if she’ll process some of that shame and self-loathing now.” Fascinating. What’s strengthened this theory is the fact that once I really started to deal with the shame through joining the herpes support forums, talking with Adrial, writing the blog about curing herpes shame and doing the herpes interview video, I experienced a shift in my perception of my veins.

I started tapping into some awesome self-love, and began to see my legs through a different lens – with love and compassion instead of shame and self-loathing. Think about it: my body didn’t manifest cancer or diabetes or something else that gets compassion from society. Nope, when I didn’t deal with the herpes, my mind and body manifested shameful varicose veins. I had to start dealing with my deeply layered shame that was building up like a pressure cooker. That emotion had to go somewhere.

So now that I’m on the other side of all this, here’s my whacky idea: Because I’ve finally dealt with the majority of my shame, guilt, self-loathing and self-doubt through tackling the herpes, my belief is that my body isn’t going to need to process it through my vascular system anymore. I can finally handle my emotions and process them gently and easily. I don’t need to bury them, meaning my body doesn’t have to find a way to deal with it physically.

Call me crazy, but I really do believe I’m going to be able to heal my veins now. Because I dealt with the root issue that was creating them. I got the lesson. No proof yet, but I’ll keep you posted! Oh yeah, and the scientists in Vaccine-land can come out with a herpes cure now. Thanks for waiting for me. I’m ready now.

Much love,
Beckie

View the original article here

How Beckie cured herpes shame in 2 months

Guest author from our community: Beckie

I have had a quantum shift since finding Adrial a few short weeks ago via his Herpes Opportunity interview on The New Man podcast. Like, we’re talking “skies-parting-angels-singing-miracle” shift here. Finding and listening to that podcast was surreal. I was blown away with Adrial’s courage to face his herpes diagnosis head-on, and then, to turn around and do something transformative with it. He did something unfathomable to me given the level of shame I’ve carried regarding having herpes for over 5 years. I’ve been able to shift a lot of things in my life through diligent inner spiritual work, but not this. Not this deep, dark secret named herpes. I didn’t have a template, a mirror, the way. Until now.

“I’m not over-exaggerating when I say I feel like I’ve gotten my life back.”

What Adrial and Beckie talk about in the video:

Why recording this video is such a huge step for Beckie’s herpes healing processHer touching story behind why getting herpes was so difficult for herWhat seeming “corny cliché” was the secret to Beckie’s transformationWhy being open to the possibility of being lovable is the first step to healingHow herpes is like a magnifying glassHow the fear of “people might find out” is actually holding us back from living fullyHow Beckie cured her herpes shame in 2 months after seemingly trying everything else firstThe “snake-in-a-dark room” analogy and how it “sheds some light” on herpes

[continued from top]
Finding Adrial and eventually having a Skype coaching session with him provided me with the missing puzzle piece. And specific to my situation was the fact that I hadn’t yet had the herpes talk to a man other than the guy I was in a relationship with during my first herpes outbreak. After that long-term relationship ended, I went into shutdown mode. I told myself I was open to finding love again, but I really wasn’t. It’s taken me three years of intensive inner work to remove all the blocks I had to love, but I’m finally open again — sexually and in all other ways. I’ve finally gotten to that place of empowerment within myself to attract the guy I really deserve to be with. I would have been settling if I’d gotten into a relationship before now … the shame would have caused me to settle.

Disclosing to Adrial was extremely powerful. He was able to receive me with love, compassion, non-judgment and empathy. Something profound shifted after this. I’d finally experienced a template of a man who could hold and honour this part of me. What that’s done is raise the bar as to the type of man I’m going to attract because I’m not going to settle for less than this now.

Not only that, but becoming part of the Herpes Opportunity community and meeting other empowered people on the herpes community forum has helped me squash the perceived mountain that herpes represented in my life. In a very short amount of time, I’ve taken back the power that I’d given to herpes, and for the first time in my life, I know I can do anything.

I’m not over-exaggerating when I say I feel like I’ve gotten my life back.

Already I’m having beautiful new people and opportunities coming into my life. It’s like conquering this has opened the floodgates to my highest potential, what I’m truly capable of creating. For anyone reading this debating about whether or not to take that next step and book a session with Adrial, do yourself a favour and book it. You will no doubt benefit from it, but if you’re ready for it, it could be the life-changing shift you’ve been seeking. Much love to you all!

View the original article here

[Video] Brenda (aka “Whoopsidaysi”) talks about her transformation

Guest author from our community: WhoopsiDaysi

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin

I would be lying if I said getting herpes was the best thing to ever happen to me. Much like I would not say being divorced was the best thing to ever happen to me — three times. (But that is another blog altogether.) What was the best thing to happen to me though was what I learned from those experiences. As painful as they both were to deal with, and as much as I thought “my life is over” after each event, I realized that hidden within those experiences were lessons waiting for me to learn. I learned we are the masters of our destiny and also of our mind. We choose what we think, how we feel, what we believe, and how we are going to react in any given situation. The experience of having herpes is no different.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin

I remember getting the herpes diagnosis. It was on the heels of my son leaving home, which, to my surprise was a rather traumatic event for me. My reaction actually caught me off guard. As I was coming to terms with the ending of that part of my life, my marriage, my third and the one that I honestly thought was going to go the distance, dissolved before my eyes in a matter of two weeks. I was devastated and was at what I thought was my lowest point. I was to discover there was one point lower … At the end of November 2011 I noticed an irritation that just wouldn’t go away, no matter what I tried. I rationalized, bargained with God and prayed that it wasn’t what I feared it was. A herpes outbreak? You see, I had a partner 10 years previous who had herpes. My fears came to life on December 3, 2011 when I sat in the doctor’s office and I got the verdict: I have herpes. Welcome the bottom of the lowest point in my life. As I was considering my life of celibacy and rejection, I reached out via the internet. Low and behold, contrary to my belief, I was not the only “damned one” on this planet. There are many people with herpes. Thus began my unfolding and blossoming.

My journey had taken many twists and turns until one day I found myself sitting in a meeting room in Raleigh, North Carolina with a bunch of strangers who, after a few short days, would become part of my soul. When I first heard of the Herpes Opportunity, I was skeptical. I had no idea what it was about. I was in Canada on the other side of the country. Honestly, was I going to travel all the way to North Carolina for some herpes weekend? Turns out, yes — and I am so glad that I did. I got so much out of one short weekend. It is hard to describe what it is like but I’d love to share what I came away with …

The experience of the Herpes Opportunity weekend is something that is unique to each participant. It’s like listening to a song. It all depends on where you are in your life and the experiences you have had. The song may mean something different to you depending on what is going on in your life. The Herpes Opportunity weekend is like that. It all depends on where are you in your journey of healing, which makes it such a unique experience for each participant. This is not your typical workshop where you sit and listen to lectures. The weekend starts by you getting to know each other and developing a sense of trust and safety … and then the adventure begins.

I had so many takeaways from the weekend. For me, the biggest take away was learning to become more loving and accepting of myself and realizing that we all share so many of the same feelings, fears, insecurities, and false beliefs. When one person healed, we all healed. There is something about the group dynamic that is so amazing. I also realized there is something beautiful in just being with another person in their grief and pain. And when I realized how beautiful that was for someone else, I was able to extend that to myself. I have learned to sit with my emotions, whatever they are, and accept them as they are in that moment without judgment. By honoring my feelings, I can let them be expressed, heard and then pass.

After the weekend, I was so open to pushing my comfort zone to see what was possible. My heart was open and I was eager to try new experiences and to stretch myself to see what I was really capable of. Upon my return, I took a Nidra class, a tai chi class, a few kundalini yoga classes, attended a drumming circle and a chakra clearing meditation class. I have become more comfortable being uncomfortable and trying to see where my limits really are. I am now challenging my beliefs about “what is possible for me.” I am far more open in telling people I have herpes as well. I used to be afraid to have people know for fear they would judge me and reject me. Now I am doing YouTube interviews! If you would have asked me a year ago if I would do that sort of thing, it would be a definite “Are you insane?” Even now, it certainly pushes my comfort zone, but now I am open to it. I see my discomfort as more of a challenge than a limitation.

This herpes thing can be the worst thing to ever happen or it can be a blessing. The only person who can determine that for you is you. You can choose to be a victim or a victor. You can choose to see herpes as an opportunity or a limitation. It’s all in how you choose to look at it. If you are curious to see if maybe there is a way to loosen the hold that shame has on you around herpes, I would encourage you to push your comfort zone just a bit and come out to the Herpes Opportunity weekend. You can feel the fear and do it anyway, just like every single person who attended the last weekend in January did. Each of us was uncomfortable and unsure of what we were getting into, but we came anyway. And in our discomfort, we found healing, love and acceptance. Listen to that small, still voice within you. If this is an experience that both scares you and excites you all the same, then take that leap and see what is possible. You will be so glad you did.

“It’s impossible,” said pride
“It’s risky,” said experience
“It’s pointless,” said reason
“Give it a try,” whispered the heart
— Author unknown

View the original article here

Herpes treatment

Guest author from our community: Ashley

I’ve had herpes for four years now. I take daily suppressive medication (Acyclovir) and that helps to keep outbreaks at bay. Early on, I didn’t have health insurance. I had to find more holistic remedies that didn’t cost me $50 per month. Below are the top herpes treatments that I’ve found and that work for me. There are plenty of others that you can find online, but I can’t speak to their efficacy.

“Here are the top herpes treatments that I’ve found and that work for me.”#1: Tea Tree Oil and Eucalyptus Oil

Tea Tree Oil  and Eucalyptus Oil are essential oils that have antiviral properties when applied directly to a herpes blister. The positive effects of tea tree oil and eucalyptus oil were reviewed in a 2001 study done in Germany. They each help to dry out the blister and speed healing, as well as provide some soothing relief of the pain and burning accompanied by an outbreak. The major con is that there is a very strong odor associated with both tea tree oil and eucalyptus oil, which can be slightly off putting, unless you like the smell. They are both effective, but I prefer tea tree oil. There is no need to use both, using one is sufficient. Make sure to wash your hands before and after application of the oil. I use Q-tips to apply the oil and throw away each Q-tip after use. NEVER dip a used Q-tip back into your bottle of essential oil. I’ve found that using tea tree oil shortens the duration of my outbreaks and helps the sores heal more quickly.

#2: L-Lysine

L-Lysine is an essential amino acid that promotes membrane health. When taken orally (approximately 1000-1200mg daily) it can help to inhibit viral shedding and prevent outbreaks. L-Lysine has antiviral properties and also helps inhibit the effects of L-Arganine, which speeds up viral production. L-Arganine is found in foods like chocolate, red meat, fish, poultry, wheat germ, grains, nuts and seeds, and dairy products. Since L-Arganine is found in so many foods, as well as being produced naturally by the body,L-Lysine is important to take as a daily supplement. L-Lysine is available over the counter at most grocery stores, vitamin shops, or pharmacies. It is often available as an “immune booster” formulary with things like Echinacea or Garlic, which are perfectly fine.

#3: Stress Management

Stress Management is probably the most important of the techniques. In a 2001 scholarly article by JH Gruzelier, a study was cited in which participants in a 6-week self-hypnosis training saw a 50% decrease in herpes outbreaks. Increased stress leads to increased outbreaks. Use of stress management techniques such as self hypnosis, guided imagery, exercise, or deep breathing can help to reduce outbreaks. Things like cigarette smoking should be avoided because nicotine actually triggers the body’s stress response. If you don’t know how to practice self-hypnosis, find a hypnotist in your area and schedule a session. Meditation is also helpful, so a yoga class would be a great alternative. The most important thing is to keep emotional stressors to a minimum and to manage stress as it comes rather than letting it build to an explosive level.

This is by no means a comprehensive list. These are just things that have worked for me over the last four years. If you have another holistic remedy that worked well for you, I encourage you to comment or share it on the Herpes Opportunity forums. The more we can learn from each other, the more we can help each other be the healthiest and happiest we can be.

View the original article here

Disclosing cold sores (oral herpes HSV-1) to potential partners before kissing?

This is a question brought up a lot on the Herpes Opportunity forums.

“Should I / How do I disclose that I get cold sores to potential partners before kissing them?”

The answer can be a confusing one, simply because it’s up to the individual on what’s right or not. And there has been a great debate on the forum before about it, and recently another question on this topic has been thrown into the ring …

So let’s get into this question a bit deeper, shall we?

“If 80% of people have cold sores, whose responsibility is it to bring it up? Those who have it or those who don’t?”

The reason this conversation is a bit hard to pin down is because when it comes to oral herpes (HSV-1) specifically, 80% of Americans 14-49 years old have it. Now that’s a VAST majority of people, isn’t it? We’re not just talking a measly barely-tipping-the-scales 51% majority or anything. So considering this statistic, with whom does the responsibility to bring up the topic fall? (In a perfect world, we all would be talking about every aspect of our sexual and intimate histories with each other before getting intimate, but that ain’t the world we live in.)

Here’s another way to think of this without herpes specifically as the topic … Here’s the scenario: Eight out of 10 people in a room are sick with the flu virus. All 10 people know before walking into the room that 80% of the people in that room are sick with the flu. Which group should be covering their mouths? The 8 people who are sick or the 2 people who aren’t? You’ll find people to argue either point. What it comes down to is this: What does your integrity tell you to do considering the circumstances? Would you feel guilty if you kissed someone without telling them you have oral herpes (cold sores)?

My personal opinion is we just have the conversation, regardless of whether or not herpes is on the mouth or genitals. It’s still an opportunity to have an important conversation and care about someone else’s health. Imagine if before we even kissed, a nonchalant “Hey, just FYI I get cold sores — just like 80% of us — and just wanted to let you know. Do you get cold sores?” Doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker-feeling conversation. No shame. No guilt. No weirdness. Just a simple conversation about herpes. No biggie. That’s the world I want to live in. Where everyone can talk openly about something simple like herpes so it can open the door to deeper conversations and deeper connection.

So what do YOU think? Click here for the post if you’d like to join in on the discussion.

“Yeah, but what about ‘down there’? Ahem, (oral sex) …”

This leads to the obvious next question that’s asked … what about herpes and oral sex? You see, this is where this discussion gets fascinating (as far as I’m concerned). Why? Because what if someone has genital herpes of the HSV-1 variety (read about the differences between HSV-1 and HSV-2) and their partner goes down on them (after a proper herpes talk, of course), then what makes the potential of passing HSV-1 to that person’s mouth any different than passing it to their mouth if you have oral herpes and kiss them? The end result is the same: HSV-1 is passed to their mouth (to recap, which 80% of Americans ages 14-49 have). [Sidenote: There are also a lot of questions about receiving oral sex when you have HSV-2; there is less than a 1% chance of passing genital HSV-2 to your partner.]

This confusing double standard between no shame in oral herpes, but mucho shame in genital herpes is proof positive to me that our culture has a severe sexual shaming problem. The fact that we get something through kissing doesn’t have any stigma, but if we get something through expressing ourselves in a sexual manner, we might want to consider shaming our natural urges? Bull honkey. Yeah, I said it. Bull honkey. Time to realize that sex is a natural, beautiful thing. No shame belongs in sex. So how do we shift it? With ourselves first. Accept yourself with herpes. Disclose with self-acceptance and integrity. The stigma will shift, I promise you. Start now.

View the original article here

[Video] Growing through the yuck of having herpes

Guest author from our community: Ashley

It is easy to get sucked into the negative when you get a herpes diagnosis. I remember the day that I was diagnosed. I was at the health center at my university and I had the most horrific first herpes outbreak anyone could imagine. Two solid weeks of not being able to sit, lay down, use the bathroom, or shower without excruciating pain. Not to mention the accompanying nausea, fatigue, and general feelings of misery. The nurse gave me the diagnosis and I felt my heart hit the floor. Who would want me now since I have herpes? With shaking hands I dialed my then boyfriend’s cell phone number. “The rash I have? It’s herpes,” I said, cringing with every word. “I had a feeling that’s what it was,” he replied calmly. “Are you mad?” I asked. “No sweetie,” he said, “you’re still the same person you were an hour ago. It’s just herpes. It’s not life-threatening.”

“Healing is not a linear path. There are twists and turns, forks and loops. It took a lot of tears, many sleepless nights, and a lot of support to get me to where I am now.”I was shocked. I was expecting anger — even fury. I spread herpes to him unknowingly because I didn’t recognize the symptoms, and here he was reassuring me! Together we researched home remedies and information on herpes that was now a part of both of our lives. We supported each other through our first outbreak and subsequent herpes outbreaks, until we finally went our separate ways a few months later. It was wonderful to have someone who understood what I was going through. It was even more incredible to have a partner who cared about me and supported me through a period of pretty intense anger and self-loathing. I felt dirty. I felt unlovable. I felt unattractive. He helped me get through those feelings, at least temporarily.

It wasn’t until I attempted to get back into the dating scene that I realized that not everyone was so understanding. I was rejected countless times. It got to the point that I started disclosing on the first date just to get it over with. My reasoning was at least if (and when) he rejected me, at least we would have only wasted one date. All those feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing, and depression came flooding back. I became convinced that I was never going to find someone who would want to “deal with” my condition. I felt myself descending into what I have now termed, “the yuck.”

The yuck is a place of toxic feelings. It harbors the helpless victim mentality and feeds into feelings of anger, resentment, blame, and sorrow. It is easy to get trapped in the yuck. It’s like quicksand. One minute you’re doing okay and then as soon as you have a bad date, an outbreak, or even hear a herpes joke, you’re right back down in the pit of despair. I felt broken, worthless, and alone.

Gradually, I started to learn more about herpes. I learned about herpes transmission rates and ways to keep outbreaks under control. I learned that there were herpes dating sites and herpes support sites for people with herpes. I found a therapist and did some hard work with her, including letting go of my anger at the guy who raped me (which is how I ended up with herpes). I started to grow. I decided that I needed something to represent my new outlook on life. I’m a firm believer in body reclamation, and for me, that sometimes takes the form of tattoos.

The tattoo of the lotus flower on my right shoulder.

Halloween 2009, three months after my rape and one month after my herpes diagnosis, I decided to get a lotus tattoo on my right shoulder. The lotus flower grows in the mud in shallow water and does not bloom until it reaches the surface. While it’s growing, the flower petals are safe inside the blossom, which keeps them from getting stained by the mud. I always loved the symbolism of the lotus flower, but I didn’t realize how accurate the metaphor was for me until about two years later. I battled my anger, my resentment, and my self-consciousness many times over those two years. Healing is not a linear path. There are twists and turns, forks and loops. It took a lot of tears, many sleepless nights, and a lot of support to get me to where I am now.

Underneath the lotus is a Tibetan Buddhist mantra: “Om Mani Padme Hum.” This mantra is a devotion to Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva of compassion. It serves as a daily reminder that I cannot know where someone else has been or what has led them to this point. It encourages me to show compassion to others as well as myself.

Thanks to Adrial and the Herpes Opportunity, I found the strength to “come out” about having herpes. I told my friends, family, and the internet. I have to say, I have never felt so free in my entire life. It feels wonderful to be able to speak openly about having herpes, instead of saying the word in hushed tones while constantly looking over my shoulder wondering who might be listening and judging. I look forward to talking about herpes during my weekly Skype call with Adrial. I get excited that other people will see our videos and hopefully crack a smile or giggle at our silliness. I feel genuine and authentic, which is a huge improvement over the way I felt when I was still “in the yuck.”

I encourage everyone to take time to reflect on where they are in the growth process. Are you still in the yuck? Don’t worry, there are others there too and you can help each other grow. Are you growing but not quite at the surface? Reach out and let people help you. And to those who have blossomed: Share your beauty with the world. Don’t be afraid of your roots. Remember them; because they are a testament to your strength and perseverance throughout this journey.

Ashley Manta is a feminist sexuality educator, certified consulting hypnotist, and sex-positive pleasure advocate. She has given presentations on topics including sexual violence awareness, positive body image, and sexual empowerment. She is available for a variety of  workshops which you can find on her website or you can follow her on Twitter @ashleymanta.

______________

Added by Adrial:

Our herpes community forum member DrSuz emailed me this after watching the video:
“Adoring the Skype party with you and Ashley. Pure positivity! Here is a favorite poem very pertinent to topic of this video. Enjoy!”

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

— David Whyte
(House of Belonging)

View the original article here

Inventing herpes

From the Cracked article “5 Basic Facts of Life (Were Made Up by Marketing Campaigns)”

BSIP / UIG via Getty

No, we don’t mean that advertisers went into the lab and genetically engineered herpes in order to sell herpes medication. We mean they invented the idea that herpes was a thing that people should worry about.

Don’t worry, only 85 percent of people can expect to catch this.

Well, how can that be possible? After all, chances are that when you hear the word “herpes,” the first thing you think of isn’t cold sores. No, your mind immediately jumps to oozing, pulsating herpes sores all over your junk. On the list of places where itchy, nasty sores would be most inconvenient, your wang (or your lady wang) comes in second only to “all up in your asshole.” But it gets worse — not only are the sores disgusting, but you also have to deal with the negative social stigma of herpes that comes along with having the “crotch rot.” People with herpes live in constant fear of others knowing it, sometimes becoming depressed, joining herpes support groups, even contemplating freaking suicide. Of course we should all be worried about herpes, right? It’s a disease!

BUT it actually came from …

Back in 1975, Burroughs Wellcome developed a drug that helped herpes sufferers by relieving their symptoms. The good people at Wellcome had one problem, though: The world gave precisely zero fucks about their new drug.

“A little blue pill that doesn’t make my dick hard? No thanks.”

How is this possible, you ask? Didn’t people have herpes back then? Well, the disease has been around for freaking ever — 2,000 years, if we’re going by the first time someone scratched his balls and then decided to make note of it on official record — but the thing is that herpes, both oral and genital, was never really seen as anything more than a sore in an inconvenient place, no more embarrassing than a zit. Herpes was so insignificant that common medical textbooks of the day didn’t even mention it. Hence, when people came down with sores on their mouth or down where the sun don’t shine, they didn’t think twice about it, not even realizing that these sores had a special name.

Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images
“I just covered up with a giant hippie bush and figured that was the end of it.”

But then Burroughs Wellcome had a bright idea for how to market their drug for a disease nobody had heard of or cared about: They launched an ad campaign educating people about the difference between a normal cold sore and a “stigmatized genital infection,” which would make others treat you as if you had come down with a case of radioactive crotch.

The ads worked wonders. People with herpes felt (and to this day continue to feel) ashamed that they’d come down with it. They bought the drug in droves — a drug which, by the way, obviously did not cure herpes. Burroughs Wellcome thus came to invent what’s known today as “disease mongering,” which is basically making you feel like a social dipshit because of a common physical illness — sadly, a move that likely doesn’t even break the top five list of douchiest moves by pharmaceutical companies.

Jupiterimages/Creatas/Getty Images
“We’re renaming acne ‘deathface murderplague.’ That should do the trick.”

View the original article here