A girlfriend of mine was single for a very long time. She seemed to run away from any man who was interested in her. Originally I thought "That's Weird!", now I look back on those days with a little bit of sadness.
We were watching a DVD at my house one Saturday evening, having a few glasses of wine when she told me about her heartbreaking secret. She's contracted herpes from an old lover. I still weep when I think of her telling me and the defensive distrust in her eyes. Despite 15 years friendship it was as if she expected me to turn my back on her, rather than give her a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
We talked about some of her ex boyfriends. There was one in particular who sticks in my mind. They were dating for months, it all looked wonderful from the outside. Everything was going so well yet when she told him, he just split. He didn't even break up with her, he just never answered her calls or saw her again. It was one of the most heart breaking stories I'd ever heard.
The saddest thing about this story was that she had to shoulder the burden of this extreme rejection herself. Still reasonably new to dealing with the disease, she had not told anyone she was infected. As such, when this jerk treated her so poorly rather than supporting her, she had no-one to confide in at all. It made me weep to hear it.
I am so glad we talked openly that night. I think I really helped my friend. As we chatted and I shared her burden, I could almost see the weight lift from her shoulders. It also opened a gate for her I think as we talked about these things many times in the future. It was as if having broken the ice on the topic, she allowed herself to share her burden moving forward.
One thing she really found useful was a dating site specifically designed to cater for people with STDs. There were many reasons why she found this useful.
One of the things about this dating site she really enjoyed, was the understanding everyone had for what she was going through. The people she met and dated from this site all shared her experiences so they knew what she was going through. Through this understanding they provided real support.
The other thing which is pretty unique about STD dating sites is the way the websites themselves support the community they foster. Sure, they have forums and chat like every other dating site, but they also have some really useful tools. Like a daily fact sheet or news column about STDs to help the members understand what's going on. The one she joined even had live counsellors at the site, to help her through the issues specifically relating to her carrying the disease.
It was really great seeing the positive effect this site had on my friend. She doesn't visit it anymore though, she doesn't need to with her husband and two beautiful children doting on her.
Damian Papworth understands that STD dating sites really support their members get back on their feet and find romance again. STD dating sites are about finding love through understanding.
