If you have been recently diagnosed with herpes, you may feel as if the dating game is lost to you. You may feel that no one will ever want to touch you, let alone marry you. You may feel that attempting to date with herpes on your mind is like trying to vacation on the beach while having a root canal; it seriously undermines what is meant to be a pleasurable activity.
I hope, after reading this article, you will realize that your situation is not nearly so bleak, nor uncommon. There is a way to date with herpes that will warm people to you. If you really have a problem with the idea of letting people know about your condition, there is also the miracle of modern technology at your service.
About a year ago, I was dating a woman who told me that she had just been diagnosed with genital herpes, and had proof that it had been passed from her previous partner. We had been together for about 2 months by then, and had been intimate in many ways. Although at that point I had never had symptoms and therefore had not been tested, I continued to see her after her disclosure.
Why?
First of all, I greatly appreciated her honesty with me. And while she knew it was an unfortunate situation, she did not feel or act as if she was the disease. Instead, she was matter of fact, and said confidently that she understood if I wanted to end the relationship.
Also, she came prepared with relevant info that she laid out before me. In doing so, she showed me that she was willing to take every single precaution necessary to avoid passing it on to me. Here are some of the things we talked about that day, and which I researched even more later:
o There is now effective 'suppression therapy' on the market that you can take in pill form to reduce shedding of the virus. The most well-known of these goes by the name Valtrex, and is the most popular because it is efficiently absorbed by the body and doesn't need to be taken as often as other brands.
o Condom use can be quite effective as long as condoms are not old, damaged by sun or heat, or torn with fingernails or teeth. The best are fresh off the shelf latex condoms; Kimono, Trojan and Durex brands are among the most durable.
o All forms of sexual contact need to be avoided during outbreaks. We decided that we would take the outbreaks as an opportunity to explore other areas of intimacy that did not involve the exchange of bodily fluids, and enjoyed them immensely.
o Ultimately, nothing is 100% guaranteed to stop transmission.
Now, not everyone is going to be convinced by this story to be so open and confident about their herpes diagnosis, and that's fine. One of the great things about modern technology is that you don't have to just sleep around and not disclose your disease (while harboring guilt) - you also have the option of online dating specifically for people who have contracted herpes and other std's.
The great thing about a dating site that caters to people with herpes is that you disclose your condition when you create your profile, so rather than harboring shame and anxiety, you are able to just relate to potential mates in a relaxed manner. If you wish to be discreet, you don't need to give your name or post a profile photo - you can only choose to share this information through private messages with other members who you have built a trust with.
Honestly, many herpes dating sites are pretty bad, and by bad I mean virtually abandoned. Nobody wants to sign up to a dating site to find 5 matches in their city - and none of them in the site since 2006. The one exception to this that I've seen is Positive Singles Online. They have been online for years, and their popularity has grown by leaps and bounds in the last couple of years. Their member database is huge and they have a lot of success stories. To check them out, you can sign up with a free profile here.
Regardless of what you do, please don't get too down on yourself. You're worth much more than that.
