"In some cases, the fear of having such a discussion [about genital herpes], and the possible rejection that it might cause, is so strong that these individuals never date anyone ever again."[1] Breaking through the emotional barriers one suffers from when they have been wrongfully exposed to a sexually transmitted disease can be a serious challenge - so challenging that some may never date again. While the fear of rejection is one major concern with respect to dating with herpes, the fear of exposure is another. From her book Doctor Ruth's guide to talking about herpes, Dr. Ruth Westheimer compares the social stigma to that of Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, "it can sometimes seem as if a large letter H is visible for all to see on their forehead; it is especially visible to any potential partners."[1] These two vital concerns, rejection and exposure, should be a core principal when developing a dating site designed exclusively for individuals living with herpes. Only by meeting these concerns, will a site be able to alleviate these fundamental challenges facing the herpes dating community. An acceptable solution requires a focus in two areas: privacy and security. The privacy of any herpes dating site should allow users to maintain a level of anonymity that is unattainable with most other dating sites. Likewise, the security infrastructure should prevent both their employees (including the developers) and malicious attackers/hackers from exposing a member's personal information.
Most dating sites today, are not professionally developed, do not control access to private information, and do not properly secure access to web servers and data. Arguably, this may serve the needs of the general public but definitely not those individuals with herpes as they are far more protective of their identity. Exposing their picture or name on a typical open herpes or STD dating site is synonymous with releasing their medical information to the masses. While people with herpes can date discretely on a general public site, they are then faced with the problem of disclosure once a relationship matures. Upon disclosure there is probable risk of public exposure and rejection.
The bottom line is that member privacy should be the highest priority. It should be maintained in such a way that the members of the site can control their ability to disclose private information, doing so only when they feel the time is right. Private data in this regard can be pictures, videos, or certain information that can identify a member. Public data - like physical description, social attributes, and personality attributes - is information that allows others to ascertain the general nature and look of another member without revealing the member's true identity. A secure dating site will automatically separate this data and secure the private content using encryption and best security practices. This practice creates barriers that help to prevent the accidental or intentional disclosure of any identifiable private information to the public, including: name, address, phone number, pictures, etc. Ultimately, to keep members' identities safe, the underlying infrastructure must prevent the publishing of private content to a public zone.
Sites that follow the aforementioned principles create a secure and private dating haven for the herpes community. Individuals suffering from genital herpes have been exposed once, but it is their right to limit public exposure of their medical condition. A properly designed dating site will finally relieve the stress of exposure and rejection felt by the herpes dating community.
An Article by Ryan Stinson, Lead Developer at TwoCan.com
[1] Westheimer, Ruth K. (Ruth Karola), & Lehu, Pierre A. (2004). Doctor Ruth's guide to talking about herpes (1st ed.). New York: Grove/Atlantic.
Twocan.com was created as a fun, private and secure dating site for people with HSV2 (genital herpes). Twocan.com is a herpes dating site that opens doors to others making similar choices.
On Twocan.com members can easily search and review other members and safely build relationships without revealing their identity. A built-in communications and messaging system gives people the ability to safely meet and engage in discussions until they are comfortable moving to the next step, which may be sharing personal interests, a photo or video, phone conversation or even meeting in a safe place.
Our system is designed so that a relationship is built, both figuratively and literally, between two members before they can share personal and private information to one another. Our users can progressively build their trust with another user over time and through positive, safe online encounters. We provide a safe dating environment by allowing members to chat online using our instant messaging system or communicate through our internal email system. While in an instant messaging session members identify each other by their TwoCan ID. The TwoCan ID is an auto generated ID created upon registration that uniquely identifies users on our site, but also effectively hides their identity. Once a member feels comfortable enough to share personal information, they can initiate a relationship with another member on the site. If the relationship is accepted, each member will have the ability to share their private information.
Twocan.com is an easy-to-use, fun, classy and effective dating website designed to ensure that the millions of people affected by this issue have the proper forum for engaging in lasting relationships.
