The most common initial reaction people have when they are diagnosed with genital herpes is a sort of nightmare vision of a lot of future loneliness. Quite often, there is at least a vague sense that they will be perceived by everyone else as 'dirty', and become a social outcast.
Here's the reality: dating with genital herpes is not nearly as difficult as it seems. The main reason for this is that in any given singles environment in North America you would find that at least 1 in every 5 people you chat up has also been infected with genital herpes.
I'm going to talk a little here about both online and offline dating with genital herpes. If you prefer to avoid online dating & support groups, there is a certain mindset you will want to adopt when bringing it up to a possible mate in the 'offline world'.
So, how do I approach the topic with a potential partner who may or may not be infected?
I hate sounding like a cliché, but knowledge is power. You're not going to know from the start exactly when you'll need to expose your condition, so the best strategy is to already be aware and prepared now.
One important thing to do, if your self-esteem has dropped since your diagnosis, is to stop telling yourself the negatives ('I'm dirty, nobody will want me'), and face the actual reality: you are far from alone with the condition, nor is it your defining characteristic. If you talk about your condition in whispered tones and head hung low, others will see you the way you see yourself: as poison.
One precautionary thing you can do is to talk to your doctor about going on an antiviral medication. Valtrex, for example, was proven in a 2002 study to have significant effectiveness in preventing the spread of herpes (by about 48% over a placebo).
Also, put some money aside to invest in high-quality latex condoms. This action is also estimated to reduce the spread of genital herpes by around 50% (over no condom use).
Finally, you will want to assure your partner that you are aware of what an outbreak feels like and when they occur, and that you will not put them at risk at these times with penetration or oral sex. The outbreaks will be good times to suggest other forms of sexual play that don't involve the potential exchange of bodily fluids.
Now this may all sound like a big hassle to you, or you may just not have the personality type to be so upfront about genital herpes to someone new. In this case you may find that dating with genital herpes is much more comfortable within an online dating site. There are many dating sites popping up nowadays catering to people with genital herpes and other std's, with the most popular being PositiveSinglesOnline.com.
With PositiveSinglesOnline.com, members tend to be more discreet than with an average dating site, so there are less profiles with photos. Many members, however, will build up trust with others on the site first, then exchange photos once trust has been built. Since you're also talking to people in the same situation, of course, things do tend to move a bit quicker since 'disclosure procrastination' is nonexistent.
I hope this has been helpful, and you're able to find peace and happiness as I have.
